On Leaving School and Moving Forward

For those of you who don't know (and who might care enough to read this post - I know one of my students follow my blog, so this is for if you read it), I am leaving school. It'll probably be official on July 5. The reason of leaving is not important for you, but just know that IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS. Students were never the reason.

Anyway, I think it is great to know that in that short period, I got new friends. I made new bonds. I know this because earlier someone sent me the quote about friends and she told me I am a good enough friend. It warmed my heart, truly. And some fellow teachers actually told me they will miss me when I'm gone. I don't know if this is the Leo part in me (I'm actually the Cusp of Exposure, so I'm part-Leo, part-Virgo), but those kinds of thing make me happy; you know, to be liked. It sounds pathetic, I know.

Some of my students also said that they will miss me, and - this was the surprising part - some of them declared that I was one of their favorite teachers. I have zero talent in teaching, and I am aware some students (if not all) see me as an Omega, so the declaration came off as a pleasant surprise for me. At least they consider me as a friend. I'd like to keep it that way if they would.

Unfortunately, this melancholy is not enough to keep me here. Overall, I still think my decision to leave work at school is the best for us all, although it had been completely unannounced until the very last second and I really am sorry for that. 

Hence, now is the time for another new chapter in 2015. I honestly don't want to look back at the unfortunate events that have happened if it is not necessary. I got my life back, why bother getting burnt by the past? Let's just hope this one lasts longer that the previous one.

Almost!

"You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down." - Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon

“I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.”  - Robert A. Heinlein

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free.” - Thich Nhat Hanh, The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching: Transforming Suffering into Peace, Joy, and Liberation

“And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be.” - Dr. Seuss, Yertle the Turtle and Other Stories

“If other people do not understand our behavior—so what? Their request that we must only do what they understand is an attempt to dictate to us. If this is being "asocial" or "irrational" in their eyes, so be it. Mostly they resent our freedom and our courage to be ourselves. We owe nobody an explanation or an accounting, as long as our acts do not hurt or infringe on them. How many lives have been ruined by this need to "explain," which usually implies that the explanation be "understood," i.e. approved. Let your deeds be judged, and from your deeds, your real intentions, but know that a free person owes an explanation only to himself—to his reason and his conscience—and to the few who may have a justified claim for explanation.” - Erich Fromm, The Art of Being 

 “She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom.” - Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

 “Free at last, Free at last, Thank God almighty we are free at last.” - Martin Luther King Jr., I Have a Dream: Writings and Speeches That Changed the World

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So, the reason behind these rows of quotes about freedom is the fact that I have submitted my resignation letter to the school. Well, technically, it was not a letter, but I have spoken to the human resource division and they warmly welcomed my resignation. 

I cannot explain how I thankful I was for being received so pleasantly although she said how hard it is to find new teachers, especially when I notified them in such short notice. In my defense, there is no rule in the legal contract that says I have to notify them at least three months before the end of the contract term. I was still in probation period, anyway. We would have to sit and talk about the continuation of my stay there, anyway. And I have planned to quit, anyway. 

The only problem now is my co-worker, my partner in class, the one who hired me. I haven't told her yet, but I think I will as soon as the term really ends. That means I probably will do it after the graduation. 

My attitude toward this whole thing is sorry not sorry. I am not too sorry about leaving the school in such difficult situation because I just am not. There are too many painful things there and I'd better save my ass before it stuck longer and I can't bail. I know I've made the right decision for now because I felt lighthearted almost as soon as I notified the school.

If you (or anyone) must know, the students were never the reason for me to leave. They could be difficult at times, they could be really disrespectful and think of me more as a peer than a teacher, but they were not so much a pain in the ass. As I am sure I have mentioned somewhere on my previous posts, they were teenagers. They were of age. And they were what teacher is about. I see them the way I see documents that need translating: they are not wrong. The fault is in the aspects surrounding them. 

I won't spoil your reading by giving further detail about the fault because it has been enough said in this post and in other posts regarding my soon-to-be ex-job. Just bear in mind that I am happy enough to have my life back.