God, have mercy...

...for every time I closed my eyes, I saw that dream. So strong was it that it made my heart pounding with longing. Thoughts would be racing, trying to convince me of their existence, and actually succeeding. I would be left hanging, out of breath, knowing nothing to do... because the dream was not something I could realize so easily, so soon.

It was something bigger than me, something I was too scared to pronounce, something I was too shy to imagine. So strong was it that it made me lose sleep and my mind occupied. 

Possibilities, possibilities, possibilities ran back and forth, tempting, luring me in, enslaving me and turning me vulnerable. It was bigger than me; it always has been. It always had that frightening and thrilling charm, and before it, I was a middle school girl all over again, believing I can, believing I should, believing this is worth everything I've got.

God, have mercy because I am afraid to be broken. God, help me because this is worth all the treasure in the world to try. God, bless me because this might be the only thing I have ever truly longed for... because this is the dream for which my heart beats differently from any other wishes and prayers I have ever sent to You.

And I'm writing this out because my heart just can't take it anymore and this is a concept too great for my brain to process.  

Thoughts I Had When Watching "Captain America: Civil War" (2016)

(This post is completely subjective and not professional. Contains spoilers.)

1. I never really liked Steve Rogers/Captain America. What a goody two-shoes. So righteous.

2. Despite the great opening action scene, I didn't get the feel of the movie. 

3. Probably it was because I was exhausted when I watched this.

4. Tony Stark's sarcastic humor was not as sharp as usual--still adequate, but not as satisfying.

5. I forgot this wasn't an Avengers movie.

6. Somehow I didn't like Wanda/Scarlet Witch.

7. They should've emphasized the importance of the peace treaty or something like that more. 

8. I like Black Panther. He's like this wise character the Avengers needed (since none of them was).

9. Couldn't help but think of Thor and how this must be trivial for him.

10. I like Scar-Jo. Black Widow was always cool.

11. Didn't think of Hulk until he was mentioned.

12. Who's that kid? What, Spiderman!?

13. Tony Stark definitely looked tired and worn out the whole time.

14. I didn't like Capt, but Bucky was great. Poor Bucky.

15. Where the fuck did the Doctor come from?

16. Zemo was the only person I hate more than Capt. America.

17. Oh, Martin Freeman!

18. I could not dislike Paul Rudd since Friends, hence the love for Ant-Man.

19. Oh, they're fighting. What a cute Spider-ling.

20. "What an eagle vision," when Vision spotted Capt and Bucky approaching the jet. Pun intended.

21. Poor Tony Stark.

22. Despite him being wrong, I'm still #TeamIronMan.

23. Can't believe Bucky did that to Tony's parents. Poor, brainwashed Bucky.

24. I hated the Capt almost immediately. Gosh, he's so nosy and frustrating.

25. Everyone was okay but him. And Zemo.

26. Zemo's motivation was... not strong enough? It was kind of forced.

27. The end of the movie was near, what was the point of the whole movie??????

28. Seriously, tell me. This was almost aimless.

29. The conflict was there, the team divided, but the reason was a bit forced?????

30. Shocked because the plot was actually simple.

31. There was nothing strong in the plot.

32. This movie was a total bridge. I need to see the next sequel.

33. Just realized I never really liked Captain America movies. The second was fun, but the first was totally out of question. Wouldn't have watched it had I not seen the second one.

34. Capt, you have a big heart to be able to offer help for Tony. Doesn't mean I like you.