Another Fall

Love me as soft as my lock of hair
Let me remember that scent of yours
and the cigarette you smoke
and the picture of the backside of your shoulders

Let me remember how I want to lean on them

Show me the sides you've never shown
The tears you've never shed
The laugh you've never did
The stories you've never shared
Take my hand and lead me to a whole new world :) 

Gadis

Seorang gadis lupa bersyukur
Lama ia duduk diam, terpekur
Ada nikmat begitu banyak,
di matanya tak sebuah pun tampak

Seorang gadis lupa melihat
Bukan hujan, bukan kilat
Tapi cinta dari keluarga
Segera ingat dia, semoga

Seorang gadis lupa mendengar
Di dunianya ada hingar-bingar
Terdengar olehnya tapi
Gumam tulus dari lubuk hati

Seorang gadis lupa bersyukur
Lama ia duduk diam, terpekur
Ia tidak lupa merasa gundah
Saat mencintai terlalu indah

(Kamar, Bekasi, 29 Maret 2013)

Semesta

Semesta melihat, semesta mendengar
Semesta bekerja, semesta memberkati
Hati yang menjerit, haus dan lapar
Hati yang katanya tersakiti

Semesta membantu, semesta tergerak
Semesta mendorong, semesta menindak
Hati yang tak beriak
Hati yang konon tegas menandak-nandak

Semesta berputar dalam harmoni
Menyulap, mengubah, mengatur
Situasi bermain dengan para insani
Menunggu takdir akan bertelur

Semesta mengikat, semesta menjerat
Semesta menghajar, serta memutar-mutar
Septa dan Agus dalam hubungan erat
Tanpa ada yang saling sadar

(Kamar, Bekasi, 29 Maret 2013)

The One I Think of Sincerely

You picked me up that night
You said you need me to help you
With this one subject
You had a hard time understanding

I told you my stories
You listened and responded
And you remembered every word I said
You smiled and laughed at what I said

And you're still the one
I think of sincerely
Even up till now
Even late till midnight
Even when you're not around
You're the one I think of sincerely

You drove me back home
And took me to my front door
You went without looking back
Though I had wished you would have done that

I wondered how you're going home
Was it safe to drive in the dark?
Had you eaten and
Would you get enough sleep?

And you're still the one
I think of sincerely
Even up till now
Even late till midnight
Even when you're not around
You're the one I think of sincerely

I worry about you
How you live, how you eat
Is it nice? Is it healthy?
Aren't you taking too many activities?
Aren't you giving too much help?

In the midst of all that
I saw your flirting tendency
You say 'Hi' to every pretty girl
And never,
Never have you laid your eyes on me

But you're still the one
I think of sincerely
Even up till now
Even late till midnight
Even when you're not around
You're the one I think of sincerely

And you're still the one
I think of sincerely
Even if I know
Even if this isn't right
Even when you're not around
You're the one I think of sincerely

(22 November 2012)

The Impossible

I watch you as you come back and forth
I watch you as you smoke
and you tuck your hair behind your ear

I heard you when you talk
I heard when you complain
And you laugh and you look away

The scene of you here is always beautiful
Because the light is orange and dim
And the night stops looking so grim
And although it feels like I can reach you
I know we are the impossible

(Kansas, 20 Maret 2013)

Woy.

Woy.
Pending dulu dari nulis cerita-cerita pendek-pendek yang sekarang (sudah) tidak lagi menginspirasi dan terinspirasi yah.

Gue bingung ini sebenernya gue kenapa, apa capek, kadang kepikiran juga. Tapi kayaknya sih nggak capek juga. Dipikir pake otak, sebenernya gue nggak capek kok, karena kegiatan fisiknya ga ada. Yah, tapi....

.....
.....
.....

Gue lupa bilang bahwa sekarang gue jadi sekretaris di himpunan jurusan dan sub-organisasi dibawahnya. Nah, itu pasti lebih memudahkan untuk dibaca kan. Intinya adalah jadi sekretaris sebenernya nggak memusingkan kok. Gampang. Cuma bikin surat lalala yeyeye terus cari tanda tangan dan naro di subbagian akademik. Beberapa hari kemudian (atau malah bisa besoknya) udah bisa dicek dan diambil. Yang bikin agak pusing karena banyak banget aja kayaknya surat yang mesti dibikin. Hahaha. Yah. Begitulah. Surat ini-itu, izin ini-itu, pengantar ini-itu. Absensi. Notulensi. Data. Banyak ye.

Tapi, meski gue mengeluh ini-itu karena banyaknya yang harus dikerjain, gue sadar bahwa pekerjaan gue bukan apa-apa dibanding teman-teman yang lain. Bagian humas dan publikasi di organisasi ini kerjaannya harus mendesain dan mengedit ulang kalo itu nggak sesuai sama keinginan dosen penasihat organisasi. Mendesain proposal atau undangan atau poster atau stiker atau apapun itu nggak gampang lho. Bayangkan kalau harus mengedit berkali-kali hanya karena permintaan dosen penasihat (yang sebenernya gue juga bingung kenapa dia ikut campur sedemikian rupa di saat--menurut gue--kepentingannya hanya sebatas mengoreksi jika terjadi typo dalam proposal).

Kemudian, ada lagi bagian ketua atau ketua panitia yang sibuk jadi boneka atau kaki tangan sang dosen penasihat. Disuruh ini-itu, belum lagi membantu bawahan-bawahannya. Belum lagi menjadi perantara antara sang dosen penasihat dan bawahan-bawahannya. Khusus untuk organisasi ini, ketuanya agak sedikit berlebihan. Dia sangat membantu sampai-sampai lebih repot dari bawahan-bawahannya. Dia yang ambil cetakan undangan, dia yang bantu gue ngurus surat, dia yang bantu dosen penasihat memikirkan konsepnya. Pokoknya dia paling capek. Terutama karena dia juga mengambil dua kegiatan lain. Nggak tau diri.

Intinya adalah, gue menyadari bahwa meskipun gue merasa ingin menyerah dalam mengerjakan sesuatu, banyak orang yang lebih menderita dan lebih dilelahkan daripada gue. It works for everyone. So, let's keep up our spirits!

Cheers. 

A Phone Call part 5

Again, I stop myself from remembering everything.

It is awful to be like this. It's not like I lost my mind, no, it's just I've erased it for more than months. It would be silly to recall it again. I decide to write. It has been long since I don't write. If I don't write now, I would lose it all. After long having writer's block, I understand how precious ideas are.

*     *     *

It has been two days and I still can't reach Hendra. I know how irrelevant I have become to his life, but it still bothers my mind. Knowing someone is missing, I just can't let it be. Still, I don't give it much thought and life goes on.

I told Pita, one of the best friends I used to share with Hendra. A story about him has been long become internal jokes between us. I always feel like laughing on my old self, foolishly infatuated by his odd charm. Oh, no, he was never the one to be called Prince Charming. He was not nicely built, his words weren't sweet, he did not actually swept me off my feet. Instead, he kept pushing me away, his words meant to hurt me- I know because he actually  admitted it was the way it meant- and he made me a joke for the world. But it was because he was like that that I became interested in him. And it is because it was like that that I learn to laugh on myself.

I thought Pita would laugh along with me.

Turns out she thinks I still have a crush on him.

"It's a joke, Pita. It's a joke." Huh. I can't believe how she thinks I'm still on it.

"Yeah, right. You sound bothered to me," she denied.

"Of course I am! Would you forget it if someone's missing?"

"No, of course not. But don't you think this is exactly WHY you can't have a boyfriend?"

Now she's being ridiculous.

"What's the relation between this and a boyfriend?"

"Nothing," she says. "I just think maybe you laugh at this matter too long."

*     *     *

What Pita says surely bothers me a lot. A part of me might have realized sooner than my brain do- since it just realizes it now- that the hatred I feel toward him is no longer my strength. It consumes me. It traps me in the past. It turns what was once a joke to a hindrance. No, let me ensure you, I am no longer infatuated by Hendra. I have stopped being mad at him a long time ago. But I haven't stopped despising him. By doing this, I'm making myself remember him always.