What comes to mind when the world falls silent
Is a playback of a scene
Where the two of us meet
Are the words that were said between you and me
What comes to mind when the night fades out
Is the wounds we created out
Of the mistakes we failed to avoid
And...
Streaming down my face are the truths I refuse to see
(Depok, Mei 2013)
Monday, September 23, 2013
Tanya
Apa ini yang kurasa?
Siapa engkau yang membayangi hari-hariku?
Samakah kau dan dirinya?
Apa engkau orang yang sama dengan dia yang akrab namun tak kunjung sampai tanganku menggapai?
Lalu mengapa kau berbeda?
Mengapa engkau berkelana dalam lubuk hatiku?
Mengapa engkau begitu dekat hingga sakit rasanya aku begitu kuat memelukmu?
Beritahu aku,
Siapa engkau yang tega nian membuntutiku sepanjang hari, yang tega nian berisik di pikiranku?
Samakah kau dengan dia yang kadang dingin melihatku, yang di lain waktu begitu dekat hingga hangat tubuhnya merembes ke kulitku?
(Depok, 19 September 2013)
Siapa engkau yang membayangi hari-hariku?
Samakah kau dan dirinya?
Apa engkau orang yang sama dengan dia yang akrab namun tak kunjung sampai tanganku menggapai?
Lalu mengapa kau berbeda?
Mengapa engkau berkelana dalam lubuk hatiku?
Mengapa engkau begitu dekat hingga sakit rasanya aku begitu kuat memelukmu?
Beritahu aku,
Siapa engkau yang tega nian membuntutiku sepanjang hari, yang tega nian berisik di pikiranku?
Samakah kau dengan dia yang kadang dingin melihatku, yang di lain waktu begitu dekat hingga hangat tubuhnya merembes ke kulitku?
(Depok, 19 September 2013)
A Wobbly Night
Right now I'm supposed to be doing my literature review for my academic writing class.
Been doing it under the surveillance of sympathetic sun and moon for twice cycle. I know I should've been sleeping since six hours ago... I have class at 9. Yet, I don't want to hurry it. I know I can produce better writing if I do it step by step, slowly and carefully.
My corpus is The Godfather by Mario Puzo; not the Hollywood best-selling movie directed by Francis F. Coppola. Found that there are so many analysis about the movies, almost none about the book. Too bad. I honestly believe people should pay more attention to this beautifully written book.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
One Republic - Apologize
Never thought I would post a song lyric that fits perfectly with my situation, but I find this really funny. It has everything I have to say, and it's just in case.
***
"Apologize"
credits to www.azlyrics.com
***
"Apologize"
I'm holdin' on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
And I'm hearin' what you say,
But I just can't make a sound.
You tell me that you need me,
Then you go and cut me down...
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry,
Didn't think I'd turn around
And say...
That it's too late to apologize.
It's too late...
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late, too late, oh, oh.
I'd take another chance,
Take a fall, take a shot for you, oh, oh.
I need you like a heart needs a beat,
But it's nothin' new, yeah!
I loved you with a fire red,
Now it's turnin' blue
And you say...
Sorry, like an angel
Heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late, whoa!
It's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah (too late)!
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah (too late)!
I'm holdin' on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
Got me ten feet off the ground.
And I'm hearin' what you say,
But I just can't make a sound.
You tell me that you need me,
Then you go and cut me down...
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry,
Didn't think I'd turn around
And say...
That it's too late to apologize.
It's too late...
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late, too late, oh, oh.
I'd take another chance,
Take a fall, take a shot for you, oh, oh.
I need you like a heart needs a beat,
But it's nothin' new, yeah!
I loved you with a fire red,
Now it's turnin' blue
And you say...
Sorry, like an angel
Heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late, whoa!
It's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah (too late)!
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah (too late)!
I'm holdin' on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
credits to www.azlyrics.com
Friday, August 16, 2013
Another Respond
I am happy and contented with my life now.
You don't understand, and I can't explain. I don't know how the thought of me defending and consoling myself could cross your mind. Sweetheart, let me make this clear: the words I wrote came true from my heart. You know I can't lie, you know I won't lie... not about my feelings, no.
Once I said I liked you, and I really did. This time I say let's enjoy our lives, but not together. You said you are disappointed. Now I also do. For the time being, I don't really want to have anything to do with you. I have enough happiness in my life.
Please don't doubt my words. My dear, don't be so full of yourself.
The world doesn't revolve around you.
You don't understand, and I can't explain. I don't know how the thought of me defending and consoling myself could cross your mind. Sweetheart, let me make this clear: the words I wrote came true from my heart. You know I can't lie, you know I won't lie... not about my feelings, no.
Once I said I liked you, and I really did. This time I say let's enjoy our lives, but not together. You said you are disappointed. Now I also do. For the time being, I don't really want to have anything to do with you. I have enough happiness in my life.
Please don't doubt my words. My dear, don't be so full of yourself.
The world doesn't revolve around you.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
My Respond
Hi.
Isn’t it amazing that after four years of chasing your tail and a year or so of no contact, I so suddenly received news about you? More than just news, I heard your shocking revelation second-handedly from her.
Our story is a book I prefer not to re-read, a song I no longer want to hear. It is a memory I have no intention to recall although sometimes I sneakily did so. It left a rather sore impression. But then perhaps it is because I went through it too hastily. Neither did I read all the words nor did I listen carefully to the lyrics.
And so your revelation forced me to retrace them all.
That’s why, in this brief letter, I want to answer the questions you didn’t ask me in person; to give you the explanation you didn’t demand personally.
Love is a difficult word to explain. I have never used the word unless I’m sure there’s no other words could explain the feeling I feel toward my object of affection. The word has been strictly used for family members and some bestest friends. But there were you.
Love is a difficult word to explain, and it took me a long way before I came to use it to explain what I felt toward you. It was not until years had gone by and I lost my sight of you. As they say, you never know what you’ve got before you lose it. Since using the word is tough enough, it’s a bit hard for me to understand your definition of love.
Love is marriage, you say. I see how you have this concept of ideal future. Ideal family, to be exact. You have requirements for your wife-to-be. But marriage is a huge step. For me, it’s something distant in the future. To put it simply, we have different schools of thought. That’s why I haven’t been able to understand your decisions, actions, and reasons.
True, you say you’re conservative while I’m liberal. But I’d rather put it this way: you’ve learned your lessons, I’ve learned mine. You live for the afterworld, I live for this world. With our differences, would you still ask for my hand? These differences might only be for this moment, God knows what we’ll turn out to be... but these surely cannot escape your judgment.
You have planned your future cautiously. Find the perfect companion, then. Why are you swayed? You cannot let my efforts go to waste, you say?
Of course those years were hopeless, but I have no regrets. Not anybody could receive the kind of special treatment you had received, but I got nothing to lose. I treat my family and friends the way I treated you. It’s not like my feelings would be drained off after I poured it to you. Feeling grows, you know. It’s like grass. You cut it and it grows back. I will eventually find other people to whom I can pour all my heart. They can be boyfriends, family, best friends, strangers.
Lastly, I hereby liberate you from the commitment we once made. Don’t be forced to think of me because we were once committed to each other. You are indebted neither to me nor to God. Don’t be too confused. Talk to me in person if you have made your decision, but remember: you involve other people in your future. You can plan it out, but you cannot plan what other people want. Speak it out instead of holding it in and confusing your own self.
Melati
Isn’t it amazing that after four years of chasing your tail and a year or so of no contact, I so suddenly received news about you? More than just news, I heard your shocking revelation second-handedly from her.
Our story is a book I prefer not to re-read, a song I no longer want to hear. It is a memory I have no intention to recall although sometimes I sneakily did so. It left a rather sore impression. But then perhaps it is because I went through it too hastily. Neither did I read all the words nor did I listen carefully to the lyrics.
And so your revelation forced me to retrace them all.
That’s why, in this brief letter, I want to answer the questions you didn’t ask me in person; to give you the explanation you didn’t demand personally.
Love is a difficult word to explain. I have never used the word unless I’m sure there’s no other words could explain the feeling I feel toward my object of affection. The word has been strictly used for family members and some bestest friends. But there were you.
Love is a difficult word to explain, and it took me a long way before I came to use it to explain what I felt toward you. It was not until years had gone by and I lost my sight of you. As they say, you never know what you’ve got before you lose it. Since using the word is tough enough, it’s a bit hard for me to understand your definition of love.
Love is marriage, you say. I see how you have this concept of ideal future. Ideal family, to be exact. You have requirements for your wife-to-be. But marriage is a huge step. For me, it’s something distant in the future. To put it simply, we have different schools of thought. That’s why I haven’t been able to understand your decisions, actions, and reasons.
True, you say you’re conservative while I’m liberal. But I’d rather put it this way: you’ve learned your lessons, I’ve learned mine. You live for the afterworld, I live for this world. With our differences, would you still ask for my hand? These differences might only be for this moment, God knows what we’ll turn out to be... but these surely cannot escape your judgment.
You have planned your future cautiously. Find the perfect companion, then. Why are you swayed? You cannot let my efforts go to waste, you say?
Of course those years were hopeless, but I have no regrets. Not anybody could receive the kind of special treatment you had received, but I got nothing to lose. I treat my family and friends the way I treated you. It’s not like my feelings would be drained off after I poured it to you. Feeling grows, you know. It’s like grass. You cut it and it grows back. I will eventually find other people to whom I can pour all my heart. They can be boyfriends, family, best friends, strangers.
Lastly, I hereby liberate you from the commitment we once made. Don’t be forced to think of me because we were once committed to each other. You are indebted neither to me nor to God. Don’t be too confused. Talk to me in person if you have made your decision, but remember: you involve other people in your future. You can plan it out, but you cannot plan what other people want. Speak it out instead of holding it in and confusing your own self.
Melati
Monday, July 22, 2013
A Letter
I know how unhappy we have been. I have my own trust issue. I know things, I hear things. I'm biased.
Last night you asked whether or not I want you to still be together. I don't know. It's sad, but I cannot really say I care anymore. I've been asked this question eight years ago; my answer is still the same. I honestly don't care about what both of you are going to do. I'll be with Dede, even if it means we should fight against the world just by the two of us.
I don't hate you, you know. Never have, never will. About the other party involved in this case... well, I can't say I don't hate him either, yet I have lost my respect and my trust once eight years ago. Then twice yesterday.
We are good pretenders. You said we aren't because you still pour your heart in the fight. And pouring your heart means you're not pretending to keep this survive. Oh, I would like to be as genuine as you are. But I'm not.
Please know that seeing you disrespected and judged in every possible way hurts me.
I hope in the future you will make decisions that make you happy. Don't worry about me because this kind of circumstances only make me stronger. I'm still young, so I'll survive. The only thing I have ever cared about is our happiness, anyway. Broken mirror better stays broken. If you try to fix it, you'll end up hurting yourself.
Last night you asked whether or not I want you to still be together. I don't know. It's sad, but I cannot really say I care anymore. I've been asked this question eight years ago; my answer is still the same. I honestly don't care about what both of you are going to do. I'll be with Dede, even if it means we should fight against the world just by the two of us.
I don't hate you, you know. Never have, never will. About the other party involved in this case... well, I can't say I don't hate him either, yet I have lost my respect and my trust once eight years ago. Then twice yesterday.
We are good pretenders. You said we aren't because you still pour your heart in the fight. And pouring your heart means you're not pretending to keep this survive. Oh, I would like to be as genuine as you are. But I'm not.
Please know that seeing you disrespected and judged in every possible way hurts me.
I hope in the future you will make decisions that make you happy. Don't worry about me because this kind of circumstances only make me stronger. I'm still young, so I'll survive. The only thing I have ever cared about is our happiness, anyway. Broken mirror better stays broken. If you try to fix it, you'll end up hurting yourself.
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