Him (11)

Hi, it's been a while :)
We've been so occupied with what we have to do and there's no way to avoid it. I was mad at you. I was mad at this. Perhaps I've hurt you in some ways. Perhaps I've doubled your burden; I don't know. But I've waited to talk so we can finish it off, and I will still wait to talk until we have enough. But before we do the talking, I'm glad to see us smiling. Start over even though it is unsaid. And the tender feeling wraps me all over, driving my mind to you.

If there's a way of peeking into your mind, would what I find there beautiful? If there's a key to your heart, will I found what I had hoped for

And tonight I'm left with the memory of your smile in my subconscious mind.

[originally written at April 15, 2013]

Him (10)

It is.
Awkward, I mean.
Despite the times we've spent together and the serious talk about the serious matter, I just can't seem to find a way to feel comfortable around you.

Today we've ridden together without talking.
And now I'm left with you sleeping.
Again, no talk.
I know what would happen when you wake up.
We'll be in silence.

Or...
Maybe I don't know.
We seem to communicate better when there's just the two of us.
That, I'm not sure why.

Now I don't know you at all.
I don't know us at all.
Oh, I'm sure if you have just a bit of what I feel toward you, you would already be courting me.
But then sometimes I'm not sure.

I'm afraid of knowing the truth.

And honestly a bit afraid of challenging myself to try again.
Loving someone, I mean.

(HMJ, March 11, 2013)

Him (8)

I love you,
I'd like to say.

But "I love you" is a strong phrase and I'm afraid the young me haven't been able to understand it. It can be found anywhere; you can hear it and you can read it, it is a universally understood phrase.

"I love you" says a lot. It says about sacrifices. It says about commitment. It says about devotion. It says about dependence. It says about desire. It says about acceptance. It says about two people.

I love you,
I'd like to say.

But let me start with something weaker. Something sweeter and fresh. Something that gives me more space for myself and less tightening bond with you.

It says about admiration. It says about fluttering hearts. It says about shared laughs and smiles. It says about beautiful dreams. It says about playing around. It says about wishes....

...I like you.

[originally written in March 4, 2013]

Tenchi

We were friends and then we were not. And then we were friends again, but this time I started to like you. And then we were some sort of enemies and some sort of close friends. And then we started over. And now we really are close friends with a lot has gone through. And all the way, I have loved you. More and more.

And you are my heaven and earth.

A poem for those judgmental eyes

Well, this is me
You can think I'm immature
You can think I'm naive
I like guys, not all at once, but very often change
But I treat every love with the utmost care
I want each to last long
and that's me

I fail and move on and if it's too fast, you think I'm easy
So should I dwell in my failure until you say it's enough?
But that's not me
I'll settle if I can because I'm a soulmate believer
but don't say I'm easy because you don't know
the heartbreaks and the pain
and it's my heart that's wounded, not yours
and when it heals, it's still my heart

It's my life, not yours
It's my life
It's me

Multi-monolog "Selingkuh", 26 Oktober 2013

Graha Bakti Budaya, Taman Ismail Marzuki

Multi-monolog Selingkuh yang disutradarai oleh I. Yudhi Soenarto berupa pementasan multi-monolog oleh tujuh orang yang berkisar pada kisah mengenai kehidupan rumah tangga Zaki dan Ida. Ceritanya berbobot, begitu pula dengan cara penyampaiannya. Pementasan ini membuat gue sadar akan pentingnya melihat segala sesuatu dengan kritis; jangan percaya begitu saja dengan pernyataan yang dibuat suatu pihak. Superb!

Jes-Efa-Mel-Rizky-Nilam

bersama Hendrik Panggabean (Yoga Mohamad) dan sang Manajer Produksi :)

bersama Ki Pujo Asmoro (Kak Macel) :)

Sang Manajer Produksi (Rendy) :)

bersama Vijay Benggali (Kak Nosa) :)

Let the night

Let the night be my witness of the pause of time I am about to recall
of a night blurred with the ecstasy of euphoria

I remember how you seek out for my hand once you caught a glimpse of me
and how you tracked me down with your eyes
your eyes, and your eyes only
not your thought because it wandered to the sea of people
and because the center of the last curtain call was you
this euphoria all came from you

So, darling, I handed out the last piece of the present I had promised you
and I remember that look in your face,
the humor in your eyes,
and the delighted pitch in your voice
and so you hugged me, not knowing it meant the world to me
Can't you hear?--it's my hand, my embrace, my body telling you everything

The relief,
happiness,
sadness,
longing,
...my affection.
Can't you hear?

It was the one hug I need to be satisfied with
It was the one chance I could deliver to you what your presence has brought upon me
So let the night be my witness of the pause of time I wish would last ephemerally
of a night blurred with the ecstasy of euphoria

and congratulations to you, may the night send it to your window