Him (11)

Hi, it's been a while :)
We've been so occupied with what we have to do and there's no way to avoid it. I was mad at you. I was mad at this. Perhaps I've hurt you in some ways. Perhaps I've doubled your burden; I don't know. But I've waited to talk so we can finish it off, and I will still wait to talk until we have enough. But before we do the talking, I'm glad to see us smiling. Start over even though it is unsaid. And the tender feeling wraps me all over, driving my mind to you.

If there's a way of peeking into your mind, would what I find there beautiful? If there's a key to your heart, will I found what I had hoped for

And tonight I'm left with the memory of your smile in my subconscious mind.

[originally written at April 15, 2013]

Him (10)

It is.
Awkward, I mean.
Despite the times we've spent together and the serious talk about the serious matter, I just can't seem to find a way to feel comfortable around you.

Today we've ridden together without talking.
And now I'm left with you sleeping.
Again, no talk.
I know what would happen when you wake up.
We'll be in silence.

Or...
Maybe I don't know.
We seem to communicate better when there's just the two of us.
That, I'm not sure why.

Now I don't know you at all.
I don't know us at all.
Oh, I'm sure if you have just a bit of what I feel toward you, you would already be courting me.
But then sometimes I'm not sure.

I'm afraid of knowing the truth.

And honestly a bit afraid of challenging myself to try again.
Loving someone, I mean.

(HMJ, March 11, 2013)

Him (8)

I love you,
I'd like to say.

But "I love you" is a strong phrase and I'm afraid the young me haven't been able to understand it. It can be found anywhere; you can hear it and you can read it, it is a universally understood phrase.

"I love you" says a lot. It says about sacrifices. It says about commitment. It says about devotion. It says about dependence. It says about desire. It says about acceptance. It says about two people.

I love you,
I'd like to say.

But let me start with something weaker. Something sweeter and fresh. Something that gives me more space for myself and less tightening bond with you.

It says about admiration. It says about fluttering hearts. It says about shared laughs and smiles. It says about beautiful dreams. It says about playing around. It says about wishes....

...I like you.

[originally written in March 4, 2013]

Tenchi

We were friends and then we were not. And then we were friends again, but this time I started to like you. And then we were some sort of enemies and some sort of close friends. And then we started over. And now we really are close friends with a lot has gone through. And all the way, I have loved you. More and more.

And you are my heaven and earth.

A poem for those judgmental eyes

Well, this is me
You can think I'm immature
You can think I'm naive
I like guys, not all at once, but very often change
But I treat every love with the utmost care
I want each to last long
and that's me

I fail and move on and if it's too fast, you think I'm easy
So should I dwell in my failure until you say it's enough?
But that's not me
I'll settle if I can because I'm a soulmate believer
but don't say I'm easy because you don't know
the heartbreaks and the pain
and it's my heart that's wounded, not yours
and when it heals, it's still my heart

It's my life, not yours
It's my life
It's me

Multi-monolog "Selingkuh", 26 Oktober 2013

Graha Bakti Budaya, Taman Ismail Marzuki

Multi-monolog Selingkuh yang disutradarai oleh I. Yudhi Soenarto berupa pementasan multi-monolog oleh tujuh orang yang berkisar pada kisah mengenai kehidupan rumah tangga Zaki dan Ida. Ceritanya berbobot, begitu pula dengan cara penyampaiannya. Pementasan ini membuat gue sadar akan pentingnya melihat segala sesuatu dengan kritis; jangan percaya begitu saja dengan pernyataan yang dibuat suatu pihak. Superb!

Jes-Efa-Mel-Rizky-Nilam

bersama Hendrik Panggabean (Yoga Mohamad) dan sang Manajer Produksi :)

bersama Ki Pujo Asmoro (Kak Macel) :)

Sang Manajer Produksi (Rendy) :)

bersama Vijay Benggali (Kak Nosa) :)

Let the night

Let the night be my witness of the pause of time I am about to recall
of a night blurred with the ecstasy of euphoria

I remember how you seek out for my hand once you caught a glimpse of me
and how you tracked me down with your eyes
your eyes, and your eyes only
not your thought because it wandered to the sea of people
and because the center of the last curtain call was you
this euphoria all came from you

So, darling, I handed out the last piece of the present I had promised you
and I remember that look in your face,
the humor in your eyes,
and the delighted pitch in your voice
and so you hugged me, not knowing it meant the world to me
Can't you hear?--it's my hand, my embrace, my body telling you everything

The relief,
happiness,
sadness,
longing,
...my affection.
Can't you hear?

It was the one hug I need to be satisfied with
It was the one chance I could deliver to you what your presence has brought upon me
So let the night be my witness of the pause of time I wish would last ephemerally
of a night blurred with the ecstasy of euphoria

and congratulations to you, may the night send it to your window

Namanya Maira

Namanya Maira.
Dia bukan Putri Indonesia,
Dia bahkan bukan Madonna
Dia bukan Fatimah ataupun Aisyah
Apalagi Khadijah
Dia juga bukan Putri Diana

Namanya Seto.
Dia bukan Al Pacino,
Dia bahkan bukan Don Juan
Dia bukan Casanova ataupun Leonardo diCaprio
Apalagi sahabat Nabi
Dia juga bukan Sandiaga Uno

Maira dan Seto dipertemukan dalam suatu kondisi
Bukan sebagai Romeo dan Juliet
Bukan Rama dan Sinta
Maira dan Seto dipertemukan di kampus tercinta
Dimana ambisi dan hidup bersaing secara sehat
Menggilas hati, menggoda romansa

Tapi kuasa bukan di tangan nasib
Karena cinta tiba di hati Maira
Sekuntum bunga yang mudah patah tapi berani tumbuh
Dan saat teman berkata “Jadilah kalian,”
“Iya” adalah jawaban Maira
“Iya, dengan senang hati”

Tapi cinta bukan jalan satu arah
Karena bagi Seto, Maira adalah bagian dari hidup
Sewajar langit dan laut bersisian
Sewajar matahari dan bulan berganti
“Semua sama” adalah respon Seto
“Maira tidak istimewa”

(ditulis pada 4 Februari 2013)

Well,

Here I am, reading a book by an author I hardly knew before I was assigned to read it, who apparently the 2013 Nobel winner Alice Munro, while I'm supposed to work a little progress on my bachelor's thesis. Instead of working on it, I spent the last five hours watching The Perks of a Wallflower (which I had decided to watch because of Emma Watson, but found myself charmed by Logan Lerman) and Scent of a Woman (in which Al Pacino won his Oscar; which of course I had expected to be full of masculine charisma The Godfather had emitted yet turned out to be a touching drama).

I just realized this term I have watched more movies than I had ever watched in each past term. Django Unchained, The Great Gatsby, Rectoverso, Old Boy, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Lone Ranger... and I rewatched The Sound of Music, The Man in the Iron Mask, Love and Other Drugs. That's nine movies. I leave out the five episodes I watched from Rooftop Prince, a Korean drama.

And I just figured out how I like to watch movies. How I enjoy them. And I get to know, to acknowledge, the greatness of actors like Leonardo DiCaprio (whose roles in the three movies were significantly distinguishable) and Al Pacino. These movies give me an insight to another world I had had accessed years ago. In my brain.

High

I was scared
I didn't know what to think
I didn't know what to do
I saw you were high and you put on this idiotic smile
And so my heart beat faster

Oh, no, it was not at all bad
You were all loosen up and cheerful
Though your drowsy eyes were still the same
And you said things that made me truly thrilled
"Where have you been?" you asked
"Been looking for you back there."

If you remembered,
It was your second time saying you were looking for me
The first was a year ago when I had missed your play

It might have been the lights
The people
The place
The circumstances
It might have been your state of drunkenness
That got me overwhelmed with excitement

I was there all the time
I was watching you went on and on about stufff
I saw you standing under the spotlight
And so suddenly I felt the urge to hug you
To hug and hold you tight

But I couldn't
Watching you from afar was the best I could do
With heart that beat too fast
And I found myself carried away
By your ridiculously strong presence
And the state of being high was felt throughout my body

(131013)

Feelings

I don't know if this feeling
Is because you're a part of something old
Something remains in my heart

I don't know if this feeling
Is because you're the one
Who's there when I need a shoulder

Or maybe this feeling
Is simply a feeling
That shall pass as the time goes

So if God thinks it's nice for us
Maybe we will be given a chance
Just to see if it really works

But God has been rather nice to us today
For we've been given the chance
To spend some time together
And I don't see why
I shouldn't enjoy it to the fullest

I don't know if this feeling
Is sweet or sour
All I know are the way you laugh
The way you smile
The way you sway me with your treatment

And, oh, she comes
And all the things that I've just had
All the moments I've just cherished
All goes to her

And I don't know exactly
What I just feel
After all, I could never stand against her

(041112)

Biar

Sekali lagi,
untukmu yang berjuang
yang memeras keringat hingga tak setetes pun tersisa
yang dengan kedua kakimu datang dan pergi tak henti jua

Mungkin doa yang kupanjatkan hanyalah setitik air dalam lautan
Hanya batang rumput dalam hutan

Namun izinkan aku menyambut datangmu dengan doa agar Tuhan angkat lelahmu
Izinkan aku mengantar pergimu dengan doa agar Tuhan selamatkan dirimu
Izinkan aku menunggu kembalimu dengan doa agar Tuhan jamin kebahagiaanmu
Dan izinkan aku mengelap peluhmu dengan doa agar Tuhan lihat semangatmu

Dan dengan doa pula aku melepasmu...
Agar Tuhan biarkan aku jadi tempat pulangmu

(021013)

A Goodbye Kiss

If you asked me,
I'd say I want a goodbye that ends with a kiss

Not with arguments
Nor curses
Nor grudges

Not by phone
Nor even worse, text message
Nor emailI want the one we didn't go through

Hello.

Hello.

All these times, I have a habit of writing down my inner thoughts on my Blackberry. Since it's going to be on sale soon, I decided to post here.

Sorry if there's one or two repost.

Cheers!

Melati

These days

Dear sunshine,

these days, love feels so simple. Now that we are meant to meet almost every day, I can spend hours talking to you. I love smiling while talking to you. I also love laughing at whatever you say.

I enjoy your company almost every time, even in text messages. I can spend minutes looking at your name and wanting to say "I miss you. Do you notice? I like you."

It used to break my heart when I know she's around, but not anymore. And love cannot be any less relieving than knowing it no longer hurts. 

These days, love cannot be any less delightful than knowing we are getting more and more comfortable with each other.

ooo