Him (1)

If being there for someone without the person doing the same feels this nice, imagine if it's mutual.

There are painful moments, of course. Those moments were filled with pain from watching him turn to some other people at his best while turning to me at his worst. They were filled with disappointment from knowing I couldn't always be counted on. They were his birthday: me giving him cake and he gave it away to his friends. They were those after parties when he looked real happy, but not sharing it with me. Yet I just can't ignore the happy moments... The absolute reason I stay. He's never asked me to stay, nor would he, I'm sure. But I like the way he smile and laugh and make jokes that totally fail. I like the way everybody likes him and laugh along with him. I like him when he's fun and crazy and wild, and when he's serious and determined. I like how he turns to me for help, knowing I'd help. I like the thank-you messages he sends every time. I like the way he's being proud and the way he cuts my line whenever we're talking. I like the way he calls my name, even though this might sound cliche. I like it when he looks for me in front of our friends. I like how he sticks to me after two and a half year even though this is just for help. And undeniably, a part of me, though small, can't help dreaming of a similarly small space in his thesis maybe someday later. A space for my name in the thank-you opening. That space, although small, means something big for me.

So, if being there for someone without the person doing the same feels nice, imagine if it's mutual.

Him

I just care so much; that if someone could care this much, and it surprises me how I do not expect a thing. I actually like the way you turn to me every time you need a thing because it makes me feel needed. I like how I feel important when you look for me. You are nobody, so why do I feel this way? It has been two and a half year, and we have never been together. We have never been so close nor have we been sharing our deepest secrets. There were others, and there will always be, who come in our way and make our hearts beat faster all the time. They come to my dreams and they make me smile, but never... never have they get my undivided attention like you do. I thought that this might have been a crush. This might have been another cliche, childlike love story. I thought you could sweep me off my feet and break my heart. Yet, what I do for you, what I feel for you, is a whole different kind of love. I know that whatever you do, I'll be there for you. I got your back and I'll be there. I will never jealous, never expect, never hope, never wait... I'll just be there. I just know: when I recall college in the next 10 years, this feeling will be the one I remember.

originally written in 181212