I was all silent after he told me.
It was nothing as bad as a disaster, nor it was something as good as he's only going crazy.
"What was it, you said?" I confirmed what I just heard.
"Told ya, I went to Kota Tua with Tri," he said, again, cheerfully. I was not sure what had make him think he could be so happy telling me all of these.
"So, what was your exact problem?" I tried to go back to the focus of my wonder.
"It doesn't matter. I went to Kota Tua with Tri and that's enough," he said.
For your information, Tri is a girl. A girl I had known as long as I know him. One of our best friends. One I did not think would keep this information from me. Furthermore, one I did not think would go out with him.
* * *
I blink my eyes. It is so despicable of me to think about the past this way. It is awful that I even remember it. The memory of that night is something that hurts me more than I had thought it would be. I didn't think the memory would last this long, even after years of many conflicts. Yes, even after a thousand conflicts occurred in our relationship, this one is still the one that tortures me.
I try calling him again.
Still out of reach.
Inhale. Exhale.
Deep sigh.
I told you I can't recall the exact date, but let me tell you, even the events that followed are now sculpted in my head. I remember how I learned the truth that Tri had wanted to keep it a secret a year after the event had passed. And, it was not from Tri I had learned. It was from others.
Aya told me back then that Tri sensed I was upset with her. I agreed. I had told Aya the reason and I thought it was sufficient as an explanation. She lowered her voice and told me then that actually Tri was also in trouble for going out with Hendra. The statement made me raise my eyebrows. How could it be? I thought to myself. And there went the explanation.
She said that Tri, having a boyfriend at the time of going, had forgotten to tell her boyfriend she's going out. Moreover, it was with another boy, Hendra, and they were really just by the two of them.
I couldn't tell if Aya was trying to make me show mercy to Tri, which I know I couldn't because even until now a part of me has been trying to erase her from my circle of friends- as long as I remember, I have never even mentioned her whenever I went out with Aya- or if Aya was trying to provoke me even more.
Well, whichever it might be, it provoked me.
I wondered what exactly they did in Kota Tua, what Hendra meant to her, what she meant to Hendra that she was chosen as the one to go together with when there were me and her boyfriend. I wondered what had occurred to her, especially, that she did not tell her boyfriend.
I asked Aya these, and she said that she had forgotten to tell her boyfriend. That it was accidental.
"Huh," I had laughed at that reason.
"As if I would believe," I had whispered.
Be it the truth, it would only upset me more. What on earth did they do that they even forget others?
* * *
The questions would remain unanswered. I really hate myself for going back to this memory, but I just can't help it.
I go out with my mother today. I go to the market that sells Arabic traditional medicine, to a bookstore that sells Islamic books... My father is having a birthday this Sunday. He's a very conservative and religious person, I could only think of Islamic gifts. Koko dress, the Koran, books about the Prophet, and anything that resembles Islam. The funny thing is that Hendra is also like that. He's much more religious than I do, and since the store and market are near his house, a part of me hopes to meet him there.
My mom and I also go to McDonald's. It is still in the area, and a part of me, again, expects to see him there. I don't know if it happens since the events in 2009, I have been expecting to meet him with a girl in one of the places near his house that I visited. Since our house is actually close, truthfully, I have been expecting to meet him with a girl in any diner around my house.
But he is not in McDonald's- moreover, not with a girl- and the thought of him leaves my head for a moment.
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