You, these days

You are the representation of easier times.
You are the swing set at the backyard of my dream house.
You are the romcoms on Saturday nights.
You are the city skylights decorating the skyscrapers.
- and this scent of yours,
Reminds me of the passenger seat on which I used to stare at you,
While you were listening to my endless monologue,
Saying you're not getting bored no matter how many times I asked.

You are every little thing contradictorily beautiful in this chaotic universe;
the one flower irritating and treasured by the Little Prince,
the one flower whose disappearance turns stars dead and sky dark.
- and this scent of yours,
Reminds me of the cigarettes you chain-smoked,
Of the songs you cut once you were bored,
While always, you were listening to my endless monologue.

And of all the bridges I'm burning, you're the one I wish to keep.

My Top 5 Books in 2014

As a true logophile and bibliophile at heart, I have a Goodreads account where I keep track of all the great books I have read. I think it is nice for Goodreads to create a list of the books I have read in 2014. You can see it if you click this link 

My Year in Books

and out of the list, I decided to make a list of my own Top 5 Books. I like them all almost equally, so there is no need to put numbers on them. Here it is...

Supernova: Partikel (2012)

 

My friend, Nirma, recommended Supernova Series by Dee Lestari nearing the end of last year. I have read four of them (and am about to read the fifth one), but this one was by far the most mind-blowing. Can you imagine a sturdy rock shattered? Or perhaps an ice river broken? I have never seen ice river breaks, but it was what I had in mind when I read Partikel. I have mentioned how I question the superficiality of Islamic ritual practice in Indonesia and how I am interested in religion/spiritual issues more than I care to admit; well, this book was the representation of all the questions I have. The shattered sturdy rock or the broken ice river was the only surface left where I could stand. I was shaken after I read Partikel. I am not saying the book's kafir, no. In fact, Dee was so brilliant that she could shake me by simply presenting the common dialogue of religion in Indonesia. Of course, my favorite part was the dialogue between Zarah and Abah. That goes without saying. This book has so big an impact on me that I now find the meanings of the Koran verses touch my heart more. I am back at zero level of learning Islam. A good start because it is only at zero level that we can learn more openly. On the other hand, Partikel is also great in terms of the sci-fi theme that strongly influenced the plot. I went through Partikel the same way I went through the movie Interstellar (2014) - only instead of gravity, Partikel has fungi. (By the way, I discussed Interstellar with some friends and coming down to amateurishly theorize that it somehow criticizes the existence of God; well, I kinda felt the same way about Partikel, although that doesn't have to always be the case).

Supernova: Akar (2002)

Akar is another book from the Supernova Series that amazed me. It was also about the religious stuff that interested me the most, but the way Dee presented it was different from the way she did in Partikel. In Akar, she made it feel so peaceful and fulfilling. It was almost as if I was Bodhi. When Bodhi was doubtful, I was doubtful. The questions I asked unanswered; Bodhi has them, too. I was especially attracted to the part where Bodhi thought a converted person must be more knowledgeable and faithful compared to the people who take religion for granted since they are born. I am not saying that we should doubt people who take one religion as their belief just because they were born under it; I'm just saying maybe not all of us truly understand the spiritual part of a religious belief because we take it as a given. After all, we were not given a choice. Converting was never considered an option; converting is judged as a betrayal to the initial religion - a betrayal to the initial group.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower (1999)

The first time I know about The Perks of Being a Wallflower was from the movie. You know, the one with Logan Lerman and Emma Watson. After watching the movie, I knew right away that I have to read the book in order to find the in-depth explanation of many things! Without any means to belittle the movie - I like the movie a lot - I still think that it left too many things hanging. That's why I grabbed my copy of the book and satisfied my need of Charlie's thorough story. The narration is done quite nicely. It's almost like The Princess' Diary, but with more twisted plot. A wallflower is an introverted person; one that is seemingly shy, and I didn't really get it the first time I watched the movie because Charlie there seemed to almost be like any other main character - bullied, socially awkward, a hero-to-be. However, the book showed me how it is to be a wallflower. I only realized it halfway through the end that after pages, the only thing I know was about his friends instead of him. Charlie was an incredibly selfless character, almost as if he's there only to observe the life around him. Believe me, you wouldn't not love Charlie after you finished this book. Way to go, Chbosky!

The Catcher in the Rye (1951)

A classic. You should've known it from the published year.
I couldn't quite comprehend the meaning of this whole book when I first read it (and I have to admit, even until now there are still parts I don't understand), but I always find my mind wanders to it. Salinger presented his work in a rather different way than other writers whose works I have read. I waited and waited for Holden Caufield to become someone who is enlightened, or someone who goes through a life-changing journey, or someone great at the end of the story; but after 100 pages Caufield was still the same whiny and somewhat jerk-y lad. You don't say, The Catcher in the Rye became a tiring book for me, for I see no use of reading it. It did not move me. But later, as my mind kept finding its way back to this book, I realize that this book has left a really strong impression. It even inspired the birth of Literature Slaves - a chain story blog I've been working on with a friend. I started to see how Salinger was a great writer; he managed to not only tell Caufield's bad weekend, but also bring us along with every step and encounter. Holden Caufield was a depressed teenager whose depression is contagious to his reader or whose depression would only be understood by someone as depressed as he. I am planning to reread it sometime soon when I am depressed.



The Little Prince (1943)

 

Originally titled Le Petit Prince, this Antoine De Saint-Exupery's book is also a classic worth read by both adults and children. For children, this book will be a good teacher of humanity; whereas for adults, this book can have multiple meanings. Through its simple and naked words, The Little Prince gave birth to many, many beautiful and symbolically straightforward quotes about the truth of humanity and the essence of life. This is one of the evergreen books that mesmerizes people of all ages... and make us remember the inner child we have long forgotten, as well as the beautiful world within which the child lives.

Being a Teacher (2) - Colleagues!

Anyway, in my first two weeks here, there are so many new things happened to me. I am appointed as the Project Officer for the International Day. My right hand would be a new Japanese teacher: Dara. Since we are both new, Mbak Sasha & Mbak Beppy help us a lot. Mbak Beppy is a French teacher, by the way. We are planning to have a UN Conference simulation.

I met a lot of people and made a lot of new friends here. Not just some, but a lot. Well, I don’t know if most of them consider me as their friend; they must think of me as their teacher!

Of course I met and made friends with the teachers. They know me as Mbak Sasha’s assistant, but mostly they recognize me as the niece of the Junior High School’s Headmaster. I don’t mean to whine, but really, there’s a certain professional line bordering us here. At least that’s how I feel. Or maybe it’s just that I haven’t really got to know them. After all, it’s only my second week.

We have our own pigeon hole at the teachers’ room, and we talk about the students all the time. It’s one of the nicest things about Garuda Cendekia; here, we know the students’ personal background. It’s almost like the teacher and the students have special bond or something. Maybe it’s also because most of the students have been there since elementary school.

Being a Teacher (1) - Keeping Up

Hi.

So the thing that I want to tell is you is about me, being a teacher. I had never thought I would become a teacher because it had never been my dream job. For now, it has only been two weeks, so I cannot say for sure whether I am going to like it… but so far, these have been an exciting week.

You don’t say, not every day is a happy day. There were days when I felt like giving up and painfully overwhelmed, and there were also days when I feared going to class. But there were also days when I felt self-satisfied and my confidence is boosted. Those were the days when I managed to find the other sides of my students. These days, both the bad and the good, will come to me again in the future. That, I know of.

If there is one thing I realize, it would be that teaching feels like doing a presentation for a class everyday. Imagine you have to do a presentation every single day! Every morning, I get up with some kind of burdened feeling of wanting the day to end soon—because you just know a lot of people will have their eyes on you and they will evaluate you. It does not matter whether you have the authority to score them; they will evaluate you. They will decide whether to behave or to mess with you. But of course you have to go through with it—there’s nothing you can do about it—and some days, you’re just sorry they end so soon.

I don’t know much about being a teacher, so I have to struggle to adapt. Let me tell you, it is no cheap deal. Working with Mbak Sasha, my senior both in college and at work, especially, is a lot to do. She is very discipline and thorough, and she is really, really smart. She arranges her teaching materials into folders (both the digital and physical ones), she thinks of the ways to make the school better in a way that makes me get the feeling that she is somewhat revolutionizing the school, and she even makes a great teacher! My feeling says she devotes her life to her school. No wonder, really, considering it’s her school.

At first, I had a hard time keeping up with her. Fortunately, my second week with her is generally better than the first and it means that I’m improving. Even just the thought gives me a kind of relieving self-satisfaction.

2015 NY's Resolution

It's 2015!

Happy New Year! 

I am asked about my New Year's resolution, but I don't really have one I can say out loud. 

Recently, I found out that I am interested in spiritual and religion issues more than I would admit out loud. It concerns me how the face of Islam in Indonesia is now really ugly - with the double-standard, the superficiality, the shallowness of its practice - and as someone who was born a Muslim, it saddens me.

I, myself, am not a religious person. That is, I do not practice all Islamic rituals correctly and punctually. But I am not a non-believer of Allah. I believe that there is a Being out there who created us humans, and that whatever we do at the moment is being watched by that Being. If I should call the Being with the name of Allah, so be it. I was raised with monotheist teaching, so it is hard for me to imagine there are more gods. However, I am not saying it is wrong, because the truth is subjective. I can believe with all my heart that Allah is the only God, but other people can also believe they have their own gods. Well, I'm a skeptic, so yeah. I don't expect you readers to agree with me.

Anyway, due to ugliness that surfaces these days, I somehow feel it would be nice to learn about religions deeper. Especially my own. I believe Islam is in itself a kind and peaceful religion. Unfortunately, I cannot see it here; in my homeland. Or maybe I just haven't met the right believers. 

And so I find my first New Year's resolution: to learn about Islam and to meet its right believers.

Then, there's another thing that has been bugging my mind since early last month: my new job. I know that being a teacher was not something I wanted. I had thought it would be boring, and I cannot stand being bored. I had thought it would be stagnant. But then I met these wonderful people in this great school where I can put into practice the things I have learned in college. Their goals are inspiring: to bring some culture to the English study. Soon English class at schools will not only be about making a reservation and showing direction. The students will learn about relating a movie to a period in history, about haiku and its 5-7-5 rule, about types of characters. They will learn what it means to be alive; to be humans that are made from the world - not just flesh and blood. Plus, the school is the inclusive type, which means there will be kids with special needs. In an instant, I know I can love it here.

However, not many people are impressed with my choice. I don't understand why I have to impress them, but I feel that way. Perhaps it is because being a teacher is not my initial choice. The (un)impression daunts me. And so I find my second New Year's resolution: to tackle my doubts and fears and to succeed more than mere surviving in my workplace. 

I think this year is the second year I really give New Year's resolution much thought. The funny thing is that although every year since I knew what it is to desire someone I have always longed for a relationship, I don't really think it can be included in my resolution. Maybe it is because I know that for a relationship to work we need two people, and it is beyond my control and thus I cannot strive for it by myself. There are too many unexpected factors. I'm a control-freak at heart, so it won't work for me. I will, however, try to move my ass and sweat a bit more for better health and figure. 

That's all. Let's wish 2015 to be another remarkably happy year filled with life-changing adventures!