My Lucid Dream

This year, I realized that I am a lucid dreamer. I think it all began from a long time ago. Whenever I felt strongly about someone, I ended up having lucid dreams about that person. In my dreams, I watched scene by scene took place before me. It was very much like watching a movie most of the time, but at other times, it was like taking part in an adventure. Anyway, the realization of being a lucid dreamer came when I had dreams about this boy (three times straight!) where we went on some sort of fantasy, anime-ish adventure (well, it just turns out that my dreams tend to be a lot immature and irrational). Since then, I decided to keep track of what my dreams show me. Hence, this blog post.

And so, here I am: about to tell you the lucid dream I had this morning.

***

It took place in a dystopian era. There were these three siblings: one older brother and two younger sisters. They roamed around in an abandoned theme park. It seemed that the building they just entered used to be a futuristic simulation game. I didn't know what they did there in the theme park or why they were there. I only knew that the buildings were a ruin, except for the one they entered.

I followed them to a room with a big screen and auditorium-like seats in metallic gray. The screen displayed a scene of Greek pillars in creme color. The brother and sisters put on something like a glasses. And we were suddenly sucked into the screen, or at least that was how I feel. 

We saw a group of girls, I didn't know what they were talking about, but it seemed that they were arguing with this older woman whose figure was so big because she was intimidating, and the only one who understood what the scene before us meant was the youngest sister. And suddenly, we were back at the auditorium.

It was then that I heard her whisper, "No, that's not how you use it..." And even until now, I didn't understand what she referred to. Neither her older sister nor her brother seemed to understand, either, but the younger sister kept repeating her words with a saddened expression on her face. That was when I noticed how pretty she was, with long brown hair and a round face and a big, expressive eyes. She was so captivating and strongly resembled the girls on the screen, and she felt out of place in a dystopian building like this.

The older sister tried to talk to her while the brother tried to find someone who ran the place, but none of it worked. I remembered the older sister explaining to me that this happened sometimes. But why then? Why there? And then she proceeded to say that the room used to be a Greek temple for this godly figure called Reia, who was served only by girls. Apparently, the youngest sister was Reia's most trusted servant; the one beyond the others. The one Reia communicated with. And she was referring to something she used to use to communicate with Reia, but now hung like a pot of plant. 

It dawned on me that those siblings were people of the past.

***

And then I woke up. 

Nonsense

What if I fall in love with you?
I would want to tell the world that it feels like I am wrapped in stars
I float and I float and stardusts glitter my hands and my feet
You would take me far from the harsh words I speak every so often
Then we would fly in a balloon of music because music is sweet
And this imaginary bliss is sweet

And if you fall in love with me
You would sing me songs they play on the radio on Saturday nights
You text me and call me and talk about the things we'd do on dates
I would listen to you; bring me up to speed with everything I missed
Then we would drive to a place where pipe dreams are lived
And towards where prayers and illusions head

But any announcement and I would jinx it
And one day I would wake up to a withered rose
of what used to be a cherished friendship and a possible romance

Apakah Saya Seorang Muslim?

Baru saja saya mengisi sebuah survei yang diperuntukkan khusus untuk orang-orang beragama Islam. Survei itu dari seorang mahasiswa jurusan Psikologi. Saya kira semestinya akan berhubungan dengan pandangan-pandangan kami sebagai seorang Muslim, tetapi saya tidak terbayang akan berhubungan dengan apa. Saya kira mungkin akan dilihat kadar kegilaan saya sebagai manusia.

Setelah saya buka laman surveinya dan saya baca pertanyaan-pertanyaannya, ternyata berhubungan dengan konflik Israel dan Palestina. Sejujurnya, saya tidak tahu banyak tentang konflik tersebut. Mungkin karena sudah sangat lama berlangsung, semenjak saya bahkan belum peduli terhadap hal-hal di luar panggung sandiwara kecil saya. Bagi saya, konflik itu merupakan konflik yang ada. Begitu saja. 

Ah, tapi bukan itu yang ingin saya bahas. Yang ingin saya bahas adalah sebuah pertanyaan yang kemudian mengusik batin sehingga tergetar hati saya, dan membuat saya terpekur:

Apakah Anda menganggap diri Anda seorang Muslim?

Kira-kira begitulah pertanyaannya. Sebuah pertanyaan sederhana, yang jawabannya tidak sederhana bagi saya. Jika yang bertanya adalah anggota keluarga - baik itu keluarga inti maupun keluarga besar - tentu jawabannya adalah ya. Jika yang bertanya adalah teman-teman SMA saya yang kebanyakan anggota klub rohis, tentu jawabannya adalah ya. Malah, mungkin jika pertanyaan ini ditanyakan oleh sebagian besar orang, saya akan menjawab ya, saya menganggap diri saya seorang Muslim. Dengan jilbab di kepala, bukankah aneh jika saya menjawab tidak atau tidak tahu? Jilbab saya sudah meng-Islam-kan saya lebih dari KTP. Tidak perlu lihat KTP, dari jauh pun orang akan tahu saya Islam. Di sisi lain, jika yang bertanya adalah teman-teman kuliah saya yang terlalu banyak berfilosofi tentang eksistensi... yah, mungkin kami tidak akan membicarakan soal ini. Bagi kami, urusan manusia dengan Tuhannya bersifat pribadi. Tidak untuk dibahas; tidak untuk dipamerkan; tidak untuk dikomentari. Seorang Muslim fanatik, atau Kristen taat, atau Atheis sejati bukan urusan bagi kami karena kami hidup berdampingan secara damai dan sekuler.

Tapi jika saya membaca sendiri pertanyaan di atas dan saya coba menjawabnya sendiri, saya tidak bisa menjawabnya. Saya tidak mengerti di mana posisi saya sebagai umat Muslim. Saya kadang-kadang sholat, kadang-kadang tidak. Saya lebih sering tidak mengaji daripada mengaji. Saya tidak terlalu membatasi diri terhadap hal-hal yang dilabeli haram oleh agama. Lantas, apakah saya seorang Muslim? Ada juga saatnya saya tidak memiliki sandaran lain kecuali sosok Allah SWT. Ada saatnya saya menangis setelah sholat, istigfar berulang kali dengan segala doa yang tidak terucapkan. Tidak lupa, saya selalu menulis basmalah setiap awal menulis. Lantas, apakah saya seorang Muslim?

Apa syaratnya agar saya menganggap diri saya seorang Muslim?

Pertanyaan itu tadinya tidak pernah terpikirkan oleh saya, tetapi begitu muncul, saya jadi mempertanyakan lagi semua ke-Islam-an saya. Seberapa saya layak menyandang Islam di KTP dan seberapa saya layak memakai jilbab ini. Seberapa saya layak memandang kedua orang tua saya dan mengakui diri sebagai anak berbakti, atau seberapa saya layak merayakan lebaran.

Saya rasa saya belum bisa menemukan jawabannya, tetapi kapan pun jawaban itu akan datang, saya harap jawabannya akan ya kepada siapapun yang bertanya. 

After a long time...

You age well,
darling, like wine
I've no choice
but to dwell,
darling, so fine
you are so fine
Alas!
this fondness
is for you to quell,
darling, be mine
be mine

be mine

be mine

To Be or To Not Be

To start or to not start
To go forward or to stay still

To know or to not know
To say or to be silent

To explain or to not explain
To share or to keep

To try or to not try
To get hurt or to avoid

To live or to not live

To be happy or to not be happy

To be or to not be,

for I am on the brink
of collapsing.

Rambling

During the detour from pursuing my further study, I slowly lost my will to fight. I was not sure whether I should pursue it after all... I mean, I function just fine with my freelance work (except for days when I have no job order = no money). I actually enjoy translating movies and book, especially since I act as the boss/team leader of a small freelance translator group in a movie translation project. It is basically a combination of my favorite things: movies, translating, freelance work, good pay, and being in charge! However, I resigned from my office job partly because I wanted to pursue my Master's degree. I must not let it go to waste, mustn't I?

The truth is, I was on the verge of letting everything go and giving up on it. To my surprise, I kept going forward, as in I took the IELTS test... I contacted my lecturer who are studying Creative Writing abroad... I asked my goal-oriented, organized friend for an advice to stay on track... I scheduled my weeks for Googling and researching... and I did it all when I felt hopeless the most. I guess that just shows how truthfully, I do not want to let this go.

Fortunately, it turns out to be a good thing in the end. Now that I am already too involved in this, almost everything keeps me on track. For instance, I put off doing my essay for a scholarship because I find it too ambitious even for me, but apparently... to get my thesis advisor's recommendation letter, I still need to write the essay. Since I have already talked to her about it, I can't just retreat and forget the whole thing. Now I have to seriously work for it. 

Hap hap hap!

IELTS at IALF Jakarta #3

Writing

I like writing, and I enjoy familiarizing myself with many kinds of texts. Unfortunately, I have to admit that writing Academic text is not my strongest trait in the Writing universe. Therefore, the main reason I took this course was, actually, to learn more about the Writing section. This section was something completely new to me that even the concept of it was scary. English is not my native language, there are more rules in academic texts, and I did not know what would the test be like. Well, Andrew Smith once wrote "People fear what they don't understand", so now I'm here to share what I now know in order to (hopefully) help decrease that fear a bit!

Like other sections, you have one hour to finish it. There are exactly two passages you have to finish: the first one is 150 words long and usually based on a graph/map/process picture, while the second one is 250 words long, answering a question regarding your opinion. Anyway, I will not discuss the passages in this post because you can see the examples of the passages in common IELTS books. Instead, I'd love to share what I believe are important in the Writing section.

The first one, of course, you have to organize your ideas. During the one hour, spare approximately five minutes before starting with each passage. Try to list your main ideas. They do not have to be strictly followed, but it can help you see the key points you want to highlight in your writings. As a result, you can write your paragraphs more easily. The first passage usually consists of more or less three paragraphs whereas I like to make the second passage five paragraphs. For the second passage, you must always write the introduction and conclusion paragraphs (although sometimes, one introduction and one concluding sentences are enough). This does not apply to the first passage, where you can choose whether to write an overview (at the beginning of the passage) or the conclusion (at the end of the passage).

Second, you have to pay attention to your sentences. There are several things which can make your writing better, as told by my teachers and based on my experience. Those things include: (1) writing in both active and passive sentences, since it helps add variety to your passage as well as showcases your English understanding; (2) using which, where, who, whom, and when to help adding complex sentences, which brings up your score if used correctly; (3) making sure your subject-verb agreement is correct, which is a basic requirement even in simple sentences; and (4) making sure the tenses you use are correct, which includes understanding the time frame.

Third, also important is paraphrasing. You see, in the Writing sections, there are instructions/questions which basically give you the theme/topic of your writings. If you are confused about the introduction/overview, you can use those instructions/questions to help you with it. However, do not write it as it is; you have to paraphrase it. Do not copy the instruction/question word-by-word. Instead, change the sentence structure and use synonyms. This is important, not only in the IELTS Test Writing section, but also in any kind of academic texts.

Writing is not like mathematics, as in you do not get the exact correct number if you do the counting a certain way. Writing means formulating your own potion of words; there is a different mix for each one. Therefore, there is no guarantee that what you write in the test will get a perfect score. For instance, I have taken the IELTS test and I believed my Writing section was the best I had done so far (compared to the practices I did in class). I thought I did everything right, but it turned out the score was less than my expectation. I did not know where it went wrong, whether it was too simple, or probably there were some grammar mistakes... but at least I must have paid attention to the things I mentioned above because the result was still enough.

I have a lot to say about the Writing section because I think we, Indonesians, are not so accustomed to writing. As an ex-English teacher, I know that students these days are more fluent in speaking English than writing in English because they are more exposed to English conversation than English texts. This phenomenon does not only occur among teenagers, but also among my peers. Even my lecturer once complained that postgrad students had terrible writing skills. Therefore, I know how hard this section can be for us. Even I wrote this post with the help of Grammarly, which checks my grammar and pronunciation (highly recommended, Readers!).

Anyway, that's all I can say about what I think are important to note. I hope you enjoy reading this, despite the more serious tone compared to the two previous posts about the IELTS Test, as well as it is helpful for you! And, really, don't forget to pratice, practice, and pratice. As they say, practice makes perfect! (Trust me, it worked on my Listening section).

Till next time!