If I Keep You

If I keep you like this
Holding on to you
Giving you hope
Would you be mad
If at the end you find you're not for me?

If I keep you like this
Would I be like him
Playing with one's heart
For four years in a row?

'Cause I find myself not much better than him
By keeping you though I know
I'm not into you
Well I can say I finally understand him
But is that an excuse?

I might hurt you, I know
and I feel guilty
But there's just no justification
For whatever that I do to you
There's just no justification
For whatever reason I still play with you

I know you might not be after me
I know you might think of me only as a friend
But I also know
How you text me everyday
And you offer to drive me home
And just because of those possibilities
I feel bad if I keep you like this

It makes me wonder
Was he, too, indecisive?
Was he just enjoying all the attention?
Was he just entertained by the efforts I showed?
Was he like who I am now?

So, I'm sorry for keeping you like this
I don't know how to give it an end
But you're an option
And I know that I am wrong
But know not of how to right my wrong

(Nov. 16, 2012)